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Early in 2001, 'The Matthew' (Replica of John Cabot's ship, in which he discovered Newfoundland) was visiting a harbour on the South Coast of England. It's tradition when entering harbour is to announce itself by firing blanks from its cannons. On this occasion the cannons were fired whilst the Matthew was only yards from a multi-storey car park, the resultant percussion set off hundreds of car alarms, which took upwards of twenty minutes before the last one stopped.

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Heard on the water during 2001.

Helmsman - Can you give me the course over the ground.

Navigator - Two Zero Six Degrees

Helmsman - Is that True?

Navigator - Yes, it says so on the GPS.

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An Explanation of some common sailing terms

Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats.

Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.

Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.

Back Stay - Spending time at home. When your partner goes sailing in October.

Bare Boat - Clothing Optional.

Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are `bow sea' (waves striking from the front), `following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and `quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction).

Berth - a little addition to the crew.

Bilge - cheap beer (see freeboard)

Boat ownership - Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar bills

Boom - sometimes the result of a surprise jibe. Boom - Called boom for the sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat. For slow crew, it's called `boom, boom.'

Bottom Paint - what you get when the cockpit seats are freshly painted.

Calm - Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage.

Chart - a type of map which tells you exactly where you are aground.

Clew - an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next.

Companionway - a double berth.

Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to.

Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations.

Crew - Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.

Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desired destination, or towards a hazard

Dead Reckoning - a course leading directly to a reef.

Deadrise - getting up to check the anchor at 0300.

Deviation - any departure from the Captain's orders.

Dinghy - the sound of the ship's bell.

Displacement - when you dock your boat and can't find it later.

Draft - The gap in your oilies between the trousers and the jacket.

Estimated Position - a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not.

First Mate - crew member necessary for skippers to practice shouting instructions to.

Fix - the crew's estimate of your current position.

Emergency Flares - old pair of trousers to change into if you fall overboard.

Flashlight - Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal

Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try.

Foul Wind - breeze produced by flying turkey.

Freeboard - food and liquor supplied by the owner.

Gybe - A common way to get unruly guests off your boat.

Headway - what you are making if you can't get the toilet to work.

Head up - Leaving the boat toilet seat up. When boat skipper is female, leaving the head up is a serious offense

Heads - the deciding factor whether to set out or not.

Heave-Ho - what you do when you've eaten too much Ho.

Jack Lines - `Hey baby, want to go sailing?'

Jibe - either you like it or you don't and it gets you.

Keel - term used by 1st mate after too much heel by skipper.

Ketch - A sailboat with good wine in the cabin

Landlubber - anyone on board who wishes he were not.

Latitude - the number of degrees off course allowed a guest.

Log - Semi submerged object responsible for suddenly rousing the skipper on a night passage.

Mast - religious ritual used before setting sail.

Mate - the term used to refer to the skipper just before explaining that the hand bearing compass has fallen overboard

Mizzen - an object you can't find.

Motor Sailer - A sailboat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems, and with some booze in the cabin.

Noserly - What to call the wind direction when it comes from where you're going

Ram - an intricate docking maneuver sometimes used by experienced skippers.

Rhumb Line - two or more crew members waiting for a drink.

Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.

Schooner - A sailboat with a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the cabin

Sea Cock - (see Jack Lines)

Sheet - cool, damp, salty night covering.

Shroud - equipment used in connection with a wake.

Spreaders - Barclay Card and Visa - useful for extending the sailing season.

Starboard - special board used by skippers for navigation (usually with "Port" on the opposite side.)

Stays - position in harbour when gales are forecast.

Stowaway - rapid handling of alcoholic spirits as the customs boat approaches.

Swell - a wave that's just great.

Square Rigger - a rigger over 30.

Sloop - A sailboat with beer and/or wine in the cabin.

Tack - A maneuver the skipper uses when telling the crew what they did wrong without getting them mad.

Tree - object to sit under, as a cure for seasickness.

Wind Indicator - Sensitive person who suddenly throws open the vents and hatches.

Warp - The other skipper's version of events.

Yawl - A sailboat from Texas, with some good bourbon stored down yonder in the cabin

Zephyr - Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts. --

Author Unknown

Thanks to Richard Atkinson of Wai-Ta-Pu for finding this.